the zeller zakon: July 13, 2020

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Who am I?

I’m the one who will be there for you,  whether you need me or not.   I’m the one who has already thought about you by the time you awaken and will continue to think of you long after you fall asleep.  I think about how you’re going about your day,  wishing I was there to hold your hand to let everyone know how much I love you.   I’m the one who will stock my refrigerator with your favorite things.   I’m the one who will put my grocery cart,  as well as yours,  at the kiosk in the parking lot– and probably one or two others along the way….

The world is a beautiful place– even more so because you’re in it.   I wonder how many lucky souls get to see your smile or get to hear your voice– what a wonderful impact you make not only in my life, but everyone that cares to know you like I do.

The very tears you cry,  I have shed too.   As happy as you make me feel,  I can’t help but be sad when you’re melancholy or having a bad day.   What a joy it would be to cheer you up,  make you feel better,  help you realize that you’re truly amazing.   But I want you to know that just as much as I do.

Your intelligence is regal; your sense of humor tickles me; and the trust with your emotions that you bestow upon me is something I will always treasure and keep safe.   There isn’t another soul I would want to do this for.

Why?  Because it’s you.   Somehow,  you found me when I needed to be reminded that I, too,  was remarkably special.   If I had been told I was kind before,  now I am downright altruistic.    If people gravitated to me before,  I’m a big powered magnet.   If people tell me I have a great smile,  you are part of why it shines and  beams with such joy.

And yet,  you don’t know I’m alive…. well,  that’s not true.  You know I’m alive.  You’re just don’t wish to pay attention to me.   We haven’t met yet.   I’m everything that you want,  but afraid to accept.  You think so poorly of yourself,  you’d rather commiserate with fellows lower than you on the totem pole or the food chain.  You’re so wrapped up in the silence from them,  that the silence you give me,  breaks my heart.

“Silence is the best answer to someone who doesn’t value your words.”

I accept you for who you are.   I allow myself to be the subject of your abuse– the same abuse you have felt from others,  but never from me.  When you realize your mistakes,  it’ll be too late.  I am stronger than you give me credit for.   In order to be this strong,  I also must  know how vulnerable I can be.   I feel everything from despair to ecstacy,  and still I have time to be kind to a fellow human being and care for the needs of others, you, and as well as myself.

Who am I?  I am the amazing human being you let go.   I gave you every reason in the world to want me but it’s the same reasons that made you a coward and dismiss me.   I am a knight in shining armor.  I am a frightened little boy.  I am magnanimous and the life of the party.  I am insecure and a recluse.  I am the one who would never allow anyone, including yourself, to hurt you.  I am the man of your dreams.

Life is too short.   If you can’t realize how amazingly fantastic of a human being I am,  how I would rather die,  than hurt you….if you cannot recognize the worth I have in this world,  may God grant me someone who does and allow me to feel for them the same way.  Never looking back.

Who am I?  The answer to your prayers…. the one who wishes nothing but the best for you– even if that doesn’t include me.   I’m am more than you deserve,  yet you’re all that I want.  I’m happy with the company I keep,  whether I’m with you or alone.

Who am I?  I am the one who makes your eyes roll into the back is your head with a single kiss.  My beard, against your skin makes you quiver.  My body against yours makes you moan with delight.   We are one when we f*ck… we watch the sun set and we watch it rise with every action,  toy, drop of sweat,  spit,  and every other liquid we produce and share.  We were made for each other, looking forward to the next time,  and the next….

Who am I?  A man who wouldn’t trade lives with  a single soul,  because the very years,  months,  days,  and seconds I exist,  I love.  I love every part of life,  and I wish to share it with the world.   I can’t help but be happy no matter what.  So,  why are you afraid?  Your life is safe with mine.   I am a gift,  a treasure,  a necessity.  Every day you refrain from my love,  is a day lost—never to come back again.

Who am I?

I am strength.  I am joy.  I am talented.  I am funny. I am caring.  I am vulnerable.  I am devoted.  I am freedom. I am love.

I am yours.

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